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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28681632">Let's Put It In The History Books, Brother</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestDandelion/pseuds/TheDarkestDandelion'>TheDarkestDandelion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [132]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ancient History, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bonding, Brotherly Bonding, Children of Characters, Demon Children (Morpheus Lucis Caelum), Depression, Established Relationship, Evil Lucis Caelum, F/M, Family Bonding, Family History, Fluff, Historical, Historical Homophobia, Historical Sexism, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, King Somnus Lucis Caelum, Loss, Loss of Parent(s), Love, M/M, Mentions Somnus' First Wife, Minor Aera Mirus Fleuret/Ardyn Izunia, Past Domestic Violence, Past Dying In Child Birth, Past Eclampsia, Past Hatred, Past Pre-eclampsia, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexism, Past Suicide Attempt, Past suspected miscarriage, Previous Wedding Nights, Relationship Fluff, Sleepy Somnus Lucis Caelum, Somnus Has A Lot Of Regrets, Somnus Lucis Caelum Being a Jerk, Somnus Lucis Caelum Needs A Hug, Talking, baby blues, mentions of past incest, mentions of past rape, past enemies to lovers, past homophobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:33:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,980</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28681632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestDandelion/pseuds/TheDarkestDandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Time is running out for Somnus and Ardyn. Sooner rather then later Noctis will come back and one of them will die and the other will live out the rest of his days as a mortal. </p><p>But there is one problem with this.... they are idiots, and someone forgot to document Somnus's personal life during his reign as King. They might as well do it now while they still have a chance to talk things through.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ardyn Izunia/Cor Leonis, Gilgamesh (Final Fantasy XV)/Somnus Lucis Caelum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [132]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. How Are We This Stupid?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_Reice/gifts">Fangirl_Reice</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fangirl_Reice I believe asked for a story on Somnus and his first wife Pasithia, well here you go! </p><p>I remember oh about eight to ten days ago now I said I hated writing wedding stuff... well I did it again O~O trust me to do something I said I wouldn't XD </p><p>This is for you Fangirl_Reice I hope you know I suffered greatly XD (jks I don't mean it I swear. It was actually quite calming to write to be honest)</p><p>Also kinda a trigger warning, this fic has past historical homophobia in it! Well technically, in Roman times men could get married to each other without any issue unless you were apart of the hierarchy as it was frowned upon in the elite. Even then Emperor Nero got away with marrying a man. When I say man, I mean a boy.... (cringes in disgust) Nero was sick. End of.<br/>Then it was only after the rise of Christianity in Europe did the union between same-sex couples become.... I am going stop rambling about my passion ancient history and just let you read now XD </p><p>Anyway please enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Somnus opened his tired eyes, still half asleep, as he felt a hand run up and down his arm in a comforting manner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Founder King smiled and nuzzled his face into his shield’s shoulder, his arms draped around the man’s shoulders and his front pressed up against Gilgamesh’s back. He loved waking up to Gilgamesh. He loved the way his shield looked after him and held him in his sleep. He loved the way he got to kiss him now. He really had been a fool locking his feelings up in his ancient heart for so long. He had missed out on so much time with his man.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My King, you may fall if you continue to nap on my back.” Gilgamesh whispered, still running his hand up and down Somnus’s arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t care.” Somnus muttered into his neck, planting a single kiss on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gilgamesh laughed. “I am afraid I do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus moaned, reluctantly pushing himself off Gilgamesh back before climbing over his shoulder to sit in the man’s lap. Somnus cuddled up in his Shield’s strong arm and sighed in bliss. Somnus liked openly being in love. He liked that it brought out his calmer softer side. But what he loved the most was acting that way towards his love, if anyone deserved to see this side of him it was 100% Gilgamesh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better.” Somnus said, closing his eyes once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, My King.” Gilgamesh replied, bringing his remaining hand up to stroke Somnus’s face. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s smile only grew when he felt Gilgamesh kiss his forehead. He’d love to stay like this forever. But… that would be selfish of him to want, especially now, when he had dangled a carrot in front of everyone else's faces of hope for a better future. There was no need to dwell on that. He was with Gilgamesh now and that was the important thing-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ardyn! You need to knock before you walk into someone else's rooms!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus groaned, hitting his head against the chair’s armrest at his brother-in-law’s voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I don't! It is only Somnus after all! Oh, brother! Somnus!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus shook his head, opening his eyes to look at his Shield’s red ones. “I hate him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Gilgamesh agreed, helping Somnus sit up and get out of his lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus folded his arms across his chest, staring at the doorway, waiting for his brother to appear. At least Cor had attempted to tell him off for being so intrusive. When Ardyn and his stupid hair came into view, Somnus growled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh brother dear, how rude!” Ardyn shrieked, ignoring the command and sat in the chair opposite the pair. “We need a chat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we don’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get him out?” Gilgamesh offered, glaring at Ardyn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, come on Somnus!” Ardyn held his hands up. “This was Cor’s idea anyway!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said break into his quarters!” Cor snapped, choosing to remain in the doorway of the room so Gilgamesh didn’t attempt to throw him out too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus rubbed his temple, irritation crawling up his back. “What could you two possibly want that is so important you are interrupting my nap time?”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn grinned. “I thought since you two got together ‘nap time’ meant something else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, nap time means nap time!” Somnus gritted his teeth, spitting at his brother. “I will kill you Ardyn if I can’t sleep!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cor! He is being rude!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Gilgamesh is his boyfriend! You are on your own, Ass Hat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus laughed as he watched Ardyn’s face drop by Cor’s words. Oh, he loved that Cor wouldn’t dare tell him off anymore! Loved it, loved it, loved it. He even heard Gilgamesh let out a small chuckle at the pair’s antics. This was brilliant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Ardyn I will entertain you, purely because of what Cor said.” Somnus laughed, gesturing for Cor to come and sit down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, darling come here! You know Gilgamesh won’t hurt you!” Ardyn giggled, kneeling on the sofa, leaning over the back of it to hold out his hand for Cor to take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus couldn’t help but smile at that. Ardyn was so sweet sometimes. Just to make Cor feel a little more comfortable, he placed his legs over Gilgamesh’s lap, to show Cor that Gilgamesh wasn’t getting up without his say so now.  However, he thought his brother-in-law and Shield were getting along… Why was Cor so apprehensive to go near him now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus eyed Gilgamesh to see what his reaction was but he seemed unfazed. Ummm…. Very odd. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Cor was sat down, Ardyn giving him as many hugs as Cor would allow him to, Somnus asked:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to talk about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, brother dear.” Ardyn beamed. “Well, your life as it were.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus yawned. “No boring.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not boring. Gilgamesh please tell my brot- your partner that it would be in his best interest to listen. As Cor has very kindly pointed out to me, Somnus, there are hardly any documents on our early life. Once we are both dead and buried that is it. No more stories and tales, they will die out. So therefore I came to the conclusion that we should document your history before we no longer can do so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is right.” Gilgamesh said, surprisingly quickly, before Somnus even got a chance to be offended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus frowned. “You’re not meant to take his side. You hate him.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gilgamesh only offered him a shrug back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Founder King rolled his eyes, so much for the 'supporting each other' part in this relationship. “No. I don’t want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so stubborn?” Ardyn asked, voice going dark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t fight.” Cor pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His fault.” Somnus said sharply. Because it was. He didn’t want to have this conversation today. He wanted to spend time with his Gilgamesh. “Haven't you got anything better to do, brother?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Other than having a chat with my baby brother who wants to die for me, no not really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain filled his heart at Ardyn’s words. Okay… he could see Ardyn’s point now. Unfortunately so could Gilgamesh. Somnus felt his feet slide off the sofa as Gilgamesh got up and left without saying a word. Somnus wanted to call out after him, but it probably best he left him to his own devices at the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Ardyn whispered lightly, feeling guilt-ridden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Somnus exhaled, putting feet back up on the sofa. “I’ll speak to him later. Fine. Let’s talk.” </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Somnus didn’t get nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a thing Somnus Lucis Caelum did. He was the ambitious, charismatic member of House Caelum, and he never allowed small things such as nerves to weigh him down. But sitting in his father’s study, after asking Lord Volturnus Lucis Caelum a question, was probably the scariest moment of the man’s 21 year life. Even if they love each other, like a father and son should, Somnus knew he was not his father’s favorite, that title belonged to Ardyn and his brother always got what he wanted from their father. But that was not the case for Somnus. Now, he had asked the biggest question of his life and he couldn’t take it back. Those 6 words had left his mouth and now he had to wait patiently for the man’s reaction.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Volturnus sighed, rubbing his neatly trimmed beard. “Well… I don’t see why you can’t marry someone else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Somnus gasped, completely thrown back by the man’s words. Did he just agree? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, one day you and your brother are going to take over from me, and I would prefer you to have someone you love by your side, than me forcing you into a marriage of convenience. That being said, you will have to find someone who meets a certain criteria in order for it to be a success.” Volturnus stated, but Somnus could tell he was hiding his frustration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His father had arranged his marriage to Pasithia the same day he arranged Ardyn’s marriage to Aera and for it to suddenly be broken off because he didn’t want to marry her was going to cause a lot of social uproar. Somnus shrugged it off the best he could, after all, it was just another thing his father could check off his list of how many times he had either disappointed or embarrassed the raven-haired man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So who do you have in mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, I can’t agree to this unless you give me at least a name.” Volturnus stated and before Somnus could work up the courage to say what he wanted, his father continue to fill his ears with stupid political law, which he really was not interested in right now. “But I can’t understand why you don’t want to be with a respectable woman such as Lady Pasithia? She is beautiful, she is from a rich and from a well respected House, intelligent and she is a Lucian! That is what this kingdom will need. Two people born from Lucis running this kingdom. The only reason why I agreed to your brother’s marriage was for political ties with Tenebrae. You are honestly throwing away a perfect match here. One that has the potential to build a dynasty that could stretch for more than 2000 years and you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For fuck’s sake, I am in love with Gilgamesh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus snapped unable to keep his frustration at bay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What followed after was an uncomfortable and tangible silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes connected with blue as the pair stared hard at each other. Somnus couldn’t help but shift slightly. For his father was using that look, the same look he would give him when his body was consumed with nothing but raw disappointment and it made Somnus feel… empty? It shouldn’t for he had seen this look more than most but… it still hurt to be on the receiving end of it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Volturnus lent forward slightly and Somnus could hear the rage in his seemingly calm voice. “I am sorry?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus knew what that question meant. That meant; never repeat what you just said ever again. And Somnus was done with doing that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In protest he stood up and stared down at his father, clearly challenging him. “I love Gilgamesh. I don’t want to marry Pasithia, I want to marry my shield.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus expected his father to rise to his feet in a fit of rage. That didn’t happen. Instead, the man remained in his chair and breathed through his nostrils. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No? You just said I could marry who I liked as long as they met that criteria! Gilgamesh fits them all!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Volturnus shook his head. “He can’t give you an heir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want children!” Somnus yelled back. “Why would I?! When my example of a father is you! Being disappointed in me all the time and not at all subtly favouring your other child!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am disappointed, my boy, because you have just told me you are a homosexual! That is unacceptable amongst the Lucian hierarchy!” Volturnus shouted, finally standing up, easily towering over Somnus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it shouldn’t be! I am not a homosexual! All I am doing is loving someone! It doesn’t matter if they have something between their legs or not! How is love a crime?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I say it is!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I have to do everything you say?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YES!!!” Volturnus screamed, it went straight through the younger of the two. And it actually scared him. The man in front of him was the only person on all of Eos that scared him, although he had never raised a hand to anyone, it was his reputation that was terrifying. People seemed to disappear when they crossed this man. Because of that slight fear in the back of his head, Somnus kept his mouth shut, allowing Volturnus to continue shouting - in Somnus’s view - ancient and evil views on society. “You are going to be a Lord someday. You need to have status and a position. Look at your brother! He is vastly more popular than you and does his duty to his people and to our gods. What do you do? Sit around, napping and training when you should be supporting our people and growing a pair. So yes, Somnus I am disappointed in you. And you will be marrying Pasithia, whether you like it or not!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus viciously shook his head. “You can’t make me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can! Or do you want your mother and brother to find out about your crush? Because this news would probably kill her!” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That wasn’t true... </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother loved him. Flora Lucis Caelum was the one who spotted he was upset about his marriage and encouraged him to talk to his father about it. But… Somnus couldn’t risk ever seeing his mother disappointed in him.  Having to gaze into her crystal blue eyes, clouded with disappointment, would kill him. Because of that Somnus went silent, looking down at the floor in shame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is what I thought. Now leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was what Somnus did. He left. When he was be greeted by Aera along one of the corridors. Again, he shut his brother’s fiancee out because she would only tell Ardyn - well write to him ‘cause he wasn’t here - and he’d get worried. There was no point anyway. His father had said no, and there was never any leeway. Not with him anyway. But with the all-powerful scourge-cleaning Ardyn, Volturnus would change his mind if it made him happy. Despite how annoying it was, Somnus could understand to a degree why Volturnus favoured Ardyn. Because his brother was the first child to be born to him after a series of unfortunate and brutal stillborns. Still… they were both his children. They should always be treated equally.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus sweetheart.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sound of his mother’s voice, Somnus closed his eyes and looked away as she entered his rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you speak to your father?” Flora asked, immediately sensing something was wrong with her youngest son. “Somnus? Oh my Somnus, what’s the matter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it.” Somnus whispered, dreading the way she may look at him if she found out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my precious little boy come here.” Flora cood, gently placing a hand to her head before resting his raven colour hair underneath her chin. Somnus quickly wrapped his arms around his mother, the parent who had always treated him and his brother equally, and sniffed not wanting to cry, not caring if her long reddy-brown hair, now greying with age, went in his face. “Your father can be a brute at the best of times. But he only does it because he cares.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t care about me, mother. Not anymore. All he cares about is Ardyn.” Somnus growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true.” Flora assured him. “He loves you both equally. Just as I do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t love me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s throat tightened. He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t. His mother may be kind, lovely and have a tiny bit of a temper on her but… she had a fragile heart. If anything happened to either him or Ardyn she’d get ill. Seriously ill. Perhaps in that sense, his father was right, this news would kill her. Somnus couldn’t risk that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he held onto her tighter. “I don’t know. But I do love you, mother. Very much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, my precious sleepy boy.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Your dad was a dick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cor slightly flinched as both the immortal brother’s stared at him with an offended glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? My dad was a dick. Your dad was a dick. It’s a fact.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know darling, please stop talking.” Ardyn said, tapping his thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cor gave them both a puzzled look. Ardyn was never this snappy when he spoke about what he could remember of his parents before. Maybe it was because Somnus was here and Ardyn liked to keep only the good memories alive for the pair of them, not the horrible side. Although… thinking about it, maybe Ardyn was struggling to see how his dad had been a dick? 2000 years ago people were forced into millions of arranged marriages, it was the norm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was a dick Cor.” Somnus agreed. “But it doesn’t change the fact we are blood.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it does not.” Ardyn nodded. “Actually Somnus, we need to talk about happened after their death and your relationship with Pasithia.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Somnus moaned very displeased with that stupid idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because… I was a dick of a brother and wasn’t very observed of your feelings when it came to your first wife.” Ardyn admitted sheepishly before going to defend himself in case Cor tapped him lightly on the head for being a dick. “But I liked her! She was nice! She was kind and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Other than Aera, she was the only person to see what I was doing to your image.” Somnus said sadly. “We hated each other, Ardyn. She hated what I was doing to you. We started hating each other from our wedding day onwards.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>In hindsight, Somnus should not have declared his love for his shield.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because within three days he was forced to stand at the altar waiting for his bride to arrive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Somnus found out his father had arranged this he was livid. He had a full-on screaming match with the man in front of all the lords, including Pasithia’s father, Lord Tellus, claiming he could not do this! He could not force him into anything he didn’t want to do! And Volturnus had his wife called in to collect their son and his excuse for Somnus’s outrageous display of rage was that ‘he was tired’, and everyone believed it. Everyone but Gilgamesh and Aera. Both of them tried to talk to him, but Somnus shut them out. Aera even mentioned something about his wedding night and Somnus let it fly over his head. Right now he did not want to think about that. And he didn’t want them either. He wanted Ardyn because he knew his brother would have been able to stop this ceremony from taking place. But alas, Ardyn wouldn’t be back until tomorrow - another thing his father had made sure of - and by then it would be far too late. To rub extra salt in the wounds, his father had ordered Gilgamesh to be his best man. Somnus wasn’t allowed to object to it either because why would he? He and Gilgamesh were friends. Best friends! There was no reason at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it broke Somnus’s heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because there was a reason, one he could never share with anyone because he feared his mother’s disappointment. Because he feared his father’s rage. Above all else, he feared that Gilgamesh would never feel the same.... And if he didn’t go through with this marriage, he wouldn’t only make himself a laughing stock, he’d be making House Caelum and Tellus too. He couldn’t do that to his mother, or brother, or even his bride. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was this so unfair?! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Pasithia Tellus stood by him; Somnus did not dare look at her. He said what he needed to, and very reluctantly got through the ceremony, hating every second of it and feeling so shameful he had to declare his love for another when the man he wanted to be with was standing just to his right. To make things worse, his father had insisted he sealed the deal with a kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holding his breath, once the priest of Bahamut instructed him to, he gently turned to face her and he was a little taken back by her appearance. Her chestnut coloured hair had lilacs woven into it, her dress was long, as white as snow and silver was sewn into the fabric. Her forest green eyes were glistening with happiness and they matched her silver tiara, which had green gemstones embedded into it. There was no point denying she was stunning, but Somnus did not want stunning. He wanted his shield.     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gently, he placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her. It didn’t last more than 2 seconds though. It pained him too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was it. He was married. There was no way he could escape this now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reception was a drag. Too many people came to speak to him, too many people were congratulating him and he had to stand near his bride constantly. They hadn’t even had a moment to themselves to talk. He hadn’t ever wanted this life. It was just one social event after the next; he would much rather be doing something useful. Like, hunting or fighting daemons! Nope, he got stuck getting married. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus shook his head, only now realising Aera had been standing in front of him for the past 30 seconds and Pasithia was off dancing with her father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dance with me?” She asked, grabbing onto his arm, pulling him to the dance floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aera, get off me!” He spat, trying to resist, but like always the Oracle did not care. She pushed him and Ardyn about more than their own father did.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Caelum.” Aera responded, coming to a halt, forcing them into a dancing position. She took the lead and stepped on his foot when she noticed he wasn’t even trying. “Dummy, I am trying to help you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus grunted in pain and accepted he was doing this. “Tell me exactly how this is helping me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you didn’t want this.” Aera said softly so no one except her future brother-in-law could hear her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus shook his head. “No, I didn’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then listen to me. Really listen. Do. Not. Sleep. With. Her.” Aera said condescendingly, staring into his eyes to make sure he got the message. “The marriage can be annulled if you don’t. Understand?”   </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why the fuck hadn’t he thought of that?! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus nodded quickly and whispered with a smile. “Thanks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” Aera smiled back with delight. “Now, maybe you should go and dance with your mother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am too tired…” Somnus moaned, letting go of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Tire yourself out even more so you won’t be able to consummate your marriage.” Aera laughed, pushing Somnus in the right direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus huffed with relief. Ardyn certainly had his work cut out for him when he did finally tie the knot with this kind-hearted brut of a woman! Rather Ardyn, than him, that was for sure. But he couldn’t deny how grateful he was to her, she had officially earnt the right to be his little </span>
  <span>sister-in-law.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the night started to end, he prepared himself mentally so as soon as his head hit the pillow he’d be out like a light. He could do that. He did it most nights and hopefully, this one would be no different, however, he did not account for his father, and the blatant lack of privacy he was going to allow him and his new bride on their wedding night. Volturnus had guards posted outside the room and he had already informed him he was having the sheets check before he and Pasithia left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was shit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Completely shit! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because of how trapped and shit he felt he couldn’t bring himself to sit on his bed that his ‘wife’ was now occupying. He couldn’t do this… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, are you alright?” Pasithia asked with concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her. She was lovely… she had always been lovely. She looked amazing and he knew for certain any man, other than his brother, would snatch her in a second if he called this off. That made this 10 times harder. Because he could never explain to her how he was feeling because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nervous, I guess.” Somnus lied. He’d had sex before. She didn’t need to know that though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed. “Me too. And it doesn’t help that guards are out there either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Somnus muttered. “Guess our parents want to make certain this union is binding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My father certainly does.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus let silence fall then. He didn’t know what to say to her. He didn’t really know her besides the odd greeting at court, or subtly looking at all the ladies' features - that weren’t Aera because eww - when they walked past him in his youth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So the conversation fell upon the woman who he had been forced to marry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand you’re tired, so would it be preferable that we get this out of the way, so you can sleep?” Pasithia asked, taking off her tiara and gently placing it down on the dresser, still blushing like crazy. “And umm… I will need help getting out of my dress.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course, she did.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Somnus closed his eyes in frustration. Of course, his father had something to do with the style of dress too. Fucking hell. Did this man hate him that much?! Apparently so! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus rubbed the back of his neck weighing up his options. He could stall by chatting to her, actually get to know her and be locked in this room until he did what was expected of him. Or have sex and go to sleep, resulting in a loveless marriage; its only importance would be making an heir he didn’t even want. Sighing with acceptance, as he knew this would only end in one way, he walked over to his bed and looked at the floor rather than his bride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll need to stand up.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Pasithia stuttered, slowly raising to her feet before turning around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus carefully brushed her hair over her shoulder and blinked when he saw the buttons on the back of her dress were made of small diamonds. They really had gone all out on this dress. Gulping hard, he undid the first one, then the second, then the third and he didn’t stop until he got to the small of her back. He didn’t want to continue… all his experiences with sex were with women - all prostitutes - who knew what they were doing. He didn’t want to take this woman's innocence. They may be the same age but it felt so wrong to him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t you get it off?” She asked, glancing over her shoulder, a clear tremble in her voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not that.” Somnus said slowly. “I… I don’t want to do this unless you want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned around sharply, face redder than before with pure embarrassment. “What? Of course, I want to, we have to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we?” Somnus shrugged. “Just because they are telling us to doesn’t mean we have to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our marriage won’t be legal if we don't.” She protested, voice turning from panic to pain. “You… didn’t want to marry me, did you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to say no. He wanted to be brutally honest with her but a part of him couldn’t. She was the innocent party in this and he couldn’t hurt her. So he lied. “I didn’t want to marry so soon. Marriage is about children and… I’m not ready yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew she didn’t believe his lie. Funny though, he was usually good at lying. But when he was as pissed off and as tired as he was in this moment, it was hard to put a poker face on and be the charismatic war hero the world saw him as. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s also about honesty and trust.” She stated, irritation riding her tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His marriage was off to a great fucking start. She already disliked him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I don’t want to have children yet either. You could always pull out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus frowned. He did not expect that to come out of her mouth. She was meant to be sweet and innocent, not clapping back at him with words of fire! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had always had an attraction to fire. He liked the warmth it brought and the orange glow that lit the darkness of the night. But what he loved most about it was how one spark could change the world. Solheim was the best example of that. And the fire behind her tone shifted his thoughts. It started to make his mind change on her slightly because now she wasn’t just his wife and she wasn’t just stunning. She had personality and someone who had the potential to fight him on every decision he would ever make. Push his buttons, stand up to him, hate him, even. Just something that wasn’t an obedient fragile little unicorn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aera’s warning of the evening was forgotten; he couldn’t help himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bashed his lips against hers and celebrated his wedding night like every couple across Eos would.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“I would have given you that advice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but you weren’t there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn narrowed his eyes. Way to rub salt in the wounds. From what he could vaguely remember was that… Aera sent him the note and the wedding was literally going to take place three days later. There was no chance he would have got there on time. Cor was right, their dad was a massive dick. But that was the weird thing, he wasn’t in their childhood. He was lovely. What changed? Ardyn had no clue. Was it his healing? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, Som, if you did listen to her, Regis, Noctis or Seren wouldn’t have been born.” Cor said, hoping that would kind of level the tension that had formed in the room. And Cor wasn’t really comfortable with knowing the full extent of Somnus’s hatred towards Ardyn all those years ago as well. As a wave of protectiveness came over him, Cor rubbed Ardyn’s back. He knew for certain if he had lived in a time with that version of Somnus, Cor would have killed him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Somnus sighed. “I did love her. Just not right away…”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Their marriage was anything but smooth sailing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus did try to get on with her for about the first 5 months of their marriage but sooner rather than later Somnus started to resent their union. Because every time he looked at his shield all he felt was hurt because he couldn’t be with him and he was stuck, forced into a loveless marriage with someone he didn’t really get on with too well. He thought at the beginning he could get used to being challenged but after his parents died, he suddenly realised how much he hated it. Pasithia fought with him on every decision he made. They fought all the time. Mainly about the ethics of burning people who were plagued with the scourge and Somnus knew he was fighting a losing battle. She wouldn’t let it drop. Then when it came to the health of his brother, Pasithia was oddly protective of Ardyn. That sparked Somnus jealousy to no end. Because even if they didn’t get on, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> wife, not his brothers. Somnus wasn’t helping the matter at all though. As he was still in love with Gilgamesh, he was avoiding having sex with her. They were only intimate after a massive row, on their wedding anniversary, birthdays and just before Somnus left on a 3-month campaign to fight the daemons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been married for 9 years now and because of Ardyn’s health and the state Eos was currently in, their fights and arguments were becoming a lot more frequent. And so was the hate sex. They had a lot of hate sex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pasithia just piss off!” Somnus screamed, trying his hardest to get past her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Piss off?!” Pasithia scoffed. “You need to listen to me Somnus! What you are doing is wrong! Why can’t you see that?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See what? Saving Eos is wrong is it?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killing people, yes!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus laughed darkly. “Of course, you are taking Ardyn’s side on this! What is going on Pasithia has nothing to do with you! It has nothing to do with anyone! I am trying to protect my people with the most practical approach I can! Does it matter if a few hundred people die to ensure that?! No!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh and that is what you want our child to learn is it?! That killing people is an option!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In some cases-” Somnus shouted but stopped himself from screaming at her as the words she had shouted set in. “You’re pregnant?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia sighed, nodding slowly. “Yes. Yes, I am. Do you see why now I don’t want you to fight with your brother anymore? We need to set an example as parents to them. It doesn’t matter if your king or not does it? We just need to make the best life we can for this one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus looked down at her stomach only now noticing that she did in fact have a bump. The last time they had sex was 4 months ago… how did he not even notice she was with child… His child. He gently put his hand to her stomach and something warm came over him. He was instantly in love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was going to be a dad… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to be a... dad?” He asked breathlessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Pasithia said her hand quickly covering his. “Please Somnus for the sake of our little one, just… do something they will be proud of one day. Stop all this madness for them, if not for yourself?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus couldn’t take his eyes off her stomach. He was going to be a dad… he never wanted that in case he turned out like his old man but… how could he not be happy when news like this was thrown his way?! A small smile crept across his features and he wanted to cry with the joy this woman had just given him. He was going to be a dad! He couldn’t wait to tell Ardyn-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ardyn…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His brother's name suddenly clouded his thoughts and he realised something. No matter what was happening, what he was doing, what the gods bade, Ardyn was still turning into a monster. He was still corrupted and he had the potential to destroy his baby. Fear consumed him and Somnus made a promise to himself that he would not let any monster touch his baby ever! Even if that monster had rooted itself in his brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>....He had to kill him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to kill his brother to protect his baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to go.” Somnus said quickly, walking out of the room as quick as he could. Pasithia hot on his trail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus! Somnus where are you going?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To see Aera. I need to know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s going to be king!” He shouted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Pasithia was right. They needed to provide the best life possible for their child. The best life possible was to have his child seat that throne one day. He had to know. He had to know what the six had decided now!</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“So you are trying to tell me that that murderous brat is one of the main reasons why you killed me?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn growled, his hatred for that boy intensified by the second. If Ardyn was honest, if Somnus didn’t take action and killed Morpheus, he would have done it himself! For Ardyn hated that boy more than he ever hated Mors. That was a very difficult feat to achieve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus sighed. “He is the reason my daughter died. It shouldn’t be that much of a shock to you that he was one of the causes of your death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus didn’t want to talk about Morpheus. He really didn’t. But if they wanted an account of his life… his life with Pasithia and his children was going to have to be recorded. Even if he was going to despise every word he spoke. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. This Is How Stupid I Was...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do like delving into a bit more of Somnus and Ardyn's ancient lore within this series. I like seeing how far they have come in the past 2000 years to the point were Ardyn can be in a healthy stable relationship and Somnus isn't such a self-centred prick. </p><p>This chapter does take a dark turn so I do feel trigger warnings are needed. </p><p>TW: All of these are referring to the past not present time in the AU<br/>Historical Sexism<br/>Mentions Past Domestic Violence (happens off-screen)<br/>Depression/Baby Blues<br/>As Somnus perves it as child neglect but it's not... that will make more sense when reading<br/>Suicidal Thoughts/Offscreen Suicide (From past Somnus off-screen)</p><p>Please enjoy :)</p><p>I think that is all of them.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Somnus wasn’t there at the birth of his first son. He went hunting with Gilgamesh instead. It was completely out of cowardice. His parents had suffered through three stillborns before they had Ardyn and selfishly he didn’t want to be with his wife when she gave birth in case their child didn’t make it. He wasn’t around for much of her pregnancy either. After dealing with the fall out of both Ardyn’s and Aera’s death, he had to ship his brother off to Angelgard after discovering his brother could not be killed and arrange Aera’s funeral. Both actions made him physically and mentally ill to carry out as he had wanted no part in any of it. However, he killed them both and he had a responsibility to clean up the mess he made; even if that meant changing history completely and acting like Ardyn was the cause of Aera’s death, the scourge and Somnus was the one who put a stop to all the madness. In doing this action, it put the nail in the coffin in his and Pasithia’s relationship. She didn’t want to have anything to do with him after that, she was disgusted by him. Thankfully, being King took up the rest of his time for him to even notice or care. In reality, he didn’t care about her. All he cared about was the life growing inside of her. Yet, there was not enough human in him to be by her side as she pushed his baby and heir into the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when he saw the little fella, with a mop of black hair, Somnus couldn’t be prouder. He took the prince off the wet nurse and smiled at him with nothing but love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, my little prince.” Somnus placed a small kiss to his brow and tears even welled up in his eyes when he saw his son stare back at him. He was beautiful. “I am your dad, it’s nice to meet you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The little prince seemed to like that. He started to wriggle in his arms, trying to get closer to his heart. He couldn’t get any closer to his heart if he tried. His little boy was now the centre of his world and he couldn’t wait to boast about him to everyone he would ever come across. This was his son. His heir. His baby. He loved him. He loved him so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better late than never.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus shifted his gaze to the tired voice of his wife. She looked pretty exhausted laying on the bed where she had given birth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Somnus muttered out an apology before sitting next to her, his eyes still glued to the little life that was now his and hers to protect. “You did amazingly. He’s beautiful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose he is.” Pasithia replied, only briefly giving their son a glance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus thought that a little strange, wasn’t she as excited as he? She was the last time he saw her. She was giddy at the prospect of becoming a mother, so what had changed? He didn’t think much more into it though, for his head so full of love for the little one he didn’t have time to comment on her behaviour. He put it down to exhaustion and nothing more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you given him a name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Morpheus.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s smile only grew. Morpheus Lucis Caelum. Was now his sole reason for getting out of bed each and every morning. He was perfect. Just such an amazing little bundle of-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meaning dreams. We’re naming him after your brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus gasped at Pasithia’s harsh tone. “What? You want to name him after Ardyn?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do. He is never going to get to meet his uncle or auntie thanks to you. He deserves to bear the name of the man who should have been King.” Pasithia explained, not caring that her words had torn out his soul. He deserved it no less in her eyes; for everything he had done. Somnus couldn’t argue with her either. He’d been nothing but cruel to the one person who had always loved him no matter what.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dreamer… that was his parents nickname for Ardyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Somnus hated the name Morpheus now. He… it didn’t feel right. It didn’t match. All he saw when he looked at his son was purity and innocence. He didn’t want his son to be named after a monster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>Little did he know that in years to come he would resent his son’s name for tarnishing Ardyn’s, not the other way around)</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we at least talk about it?” Somnus asked, whispering so not to disturb his son who had fallen asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Pasithia stated firmly. “If you wanted a say you should have been here for his birth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pasithia, you may hate me but don't take it out on him.” Somnus warned, brushing his fingers over the boy's cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia shook her head. “I am not. I am taking it out on you. Morpheus is your heir. You got what you wanted. Like you always do, Somnus, even at the expense of your own family. You didn’t have to push him out of your body. His name is Morpheus. End of discussion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Somnus was not fighting with her any longer. She was tired and needed rest and she could probably do without him being present. He stood up, gently moving Morpheus in his arms so not to wake him before offering him to his wife to take. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Pasithia asked, recoiling away from their son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you would like time to bond with him.” Somnus replied dryly. If he wasn’t hurt by her harsh words of reality, he would have noticed that she wasn’t acting instinctively as a first time mother should. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t. Take him to a nurse he is probably hungry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to try and feed him yourself?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia merely shook her head and turned away from the pair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s our son. Your son.” Somnus stated, hoping that would make his wife see sense on the matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just can’t bring myself to look- I am tired. Labour was so difficult. I’ll try tomorrow. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus couldn’t really ask for more on the matter. He wished her a good sleep and took Morpheus to the nurse. The short walk from one room to the next was the highlight of the King’s day. He got to bond with and carry his son. For a moment or two, it was just them. Father and son. Somnus knew he was going to savour this moment until the day he died. However, as he handed the boy over to the nurse, Pasithia's behaviour finally sunk in. She… It was as if she was rejecting him. Why would she do that? Morpheus was adorable through and through. Not once had he cried. He was perfect. Why on Eos did it seem like she hated his existence? Well, Somnus didn’t. He loved his son more than words could express. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the hatred Somnus thought he saw in his wife only caused a bigger gap between the two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over time Somnus noticed Pasithia acting colder towards their son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She never fed him and left that for the nurses to do. She only ever held him when Somnus encouraged her to do so, and even then she didn’t look at their child in the eye. When he cried, she left him. She let him cry all on his own. When Somnus confronted her about her treatment of their child she could never provide a solid answer. Most of the time she said she was tired or that holding him hurt her mentally. One time she even went as far as saying that Morpheus was ‘wrong’. She gave him nothing more than that, that their innocent child was just wrong. Somnus couldn’t understand. He simply couldn’t understand it. The odd thing was when he discussed his wife’s behaviour to Gilgamesh, his shield simply shrugged and replied with; ‘can you blame her?’ Somnus didn’t understand what he meant and Gilgamesh refused to say any more on the matter. From where Somnus was now standing it was just him and Morpheus up against the world as no one else seemed to love and care for his son like he did. No one else seemed to be putting all their time and energy into him. The nurses did but strangely enough, they only ever seemed to last for a few weeks at a time. Pasithia told him not to worry, but how couldn’t he? What was everyone else seeing that he wasn’t? All he could see was his baby. His son. That was all that mattered to him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you Morphy.” Somnus whispered, holding on to his tiny little hand as his son lay asleep in his crib. “And I always will.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Somnus?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn asked, worry seeping into his words, as Somnus suddenly stopped talking. His brother gave him no reply and stared numbly down at the floor and he was completely still. Only the movement of his chest was enough to know that he was breathing, he wasn’t even blinking.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus?” Ardyn tried again, but he got nothing back from his brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn became so worried, he was about to stand up and throw his arms around the younger of the two and tell him everything was okay. This may have happened over 2000 years ago, but Somnus looked so broken by the reminder of it. His eyes were completely void of emotion. Ardyn only wanted to know if he was alright. However, Cor’s hand grabbed his arm and it prevented him from getting out of his chair.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ardyn, just give him a second.” Cor said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he-” Ardyn started to say, only to be cut off by Cor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let him have a moment to think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Very reluctantly, Ardyn stayed where he was, perched on the sofa ready to hug Somnus if he burst into tears. That looked very likely to happen. His poor brother. He didn’t mean to cause him this much upset. Gilgamesh was going to slaughter him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about a minute's silence, Ardyn noticed Somnus blink and his brother slowly came around. “Sorry, what was I talking about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn’s concern intensified. “Morpheus, brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Somnus nodded slowly. Sombre words turning to ice as he spoke. “Sorry, I think I finally realised how blind I was when he was born. That fucking little shit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, we don’t have to talk about him.” Cor suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ardyn more than agreed with his husband. “Maybe it is time we call this a day? Try again tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I am fine.” Sommus smiled. Ardyn knew he was lying. “No point keeping my reign a secret any longer and all the things I did during it that I regret…”     </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Things only got worse between himself and Pasithia.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus had to go out on campaigns to expel the darkness and daemons, and when he returned, Morpheus would hang on to him for dear life. To begin with Somnus thought this was just a son wanting his father but it started to become clear to him that Pasithia’s behaviour was only getting worse. His now 2 year old son would try and explain that his mother wasn’t paying him attention and when Somnus tried to speak to her about it, she shut him out and told him Morpheus was lying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love our son, of course I am not ignoring him.” Pasithia sighed, staring out of the window, rather than her husband. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morphy is really upset. He thinks you hate him.” Somnus explained, trying not to lose his temper with her. Because ever since his birth, Pasithia had been the same. Cold and unfeeling towards their baby and he was sick of it. He was sick of having to be the one to try and get mother and child to bond. “He needs his mother to love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His queen laughed softly, refusing to divert her gaze from the growing city outside. “Morpheus is the one who told you that I don’t love him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. That is how he is feeling, Thia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Somnus.” She said, a weak smile appearing on her features as she finally turned to look at him. She looked tired. Very tired. “You’re blinded where he is concerned. Of course, I would never tell him that I don’t love him. I carried him. I gave birth to him. I have tried to bond with him every day since he entered our lives-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look like that to me.” Somnus interrupted her. “All I have seen is you pushing him away. He’s two years old.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia rubbed her eyes as frustration took hold of her. “Som, he doesn’t want me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, he does. You are his mother.” Somnus spat back, horrified by her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want or love anyone that isn’t you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be so stupid.” Somnus growled. Now she had really pissed him off. “He loves us both. You are the one who isn’t trying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that is what you think.” Pasithia said calmly, turning her gaze back to the window. “I won’t argue with you anymore tonight on the matter. I do love him… I just don’t understand how you can’t see it...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus rolled his eyes, refusing to indulge her with any more nasty views on their son and his resentment for her only reached new heights. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stopped talking to each other after that, they stopped sharing the same bed too. The only time they would speak to another was during important meetings at court and when they spent time together with Morpheus. Even then, Pasithia was distant. She wasn’t giving their son as many hugs as he was and it only cemented the idea for him that she wasn’t trying. That was when Somnus started being unfaithful in their marriage and he didn’t feel any guilt over it. She told him she knew exactly what he was doing and they never spoke of it again. She only asked that he not do that in the bed they once shared. He listened to her. But… he didn’t care anymore because he thought she didn’t care about Morpheus. The reality was she did care. She cared so much about their son and him. It was Morpheus who didn’t care about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus was too stupid and blinded by love to see it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Morpheus turned two and a half the council got involved in their marriage. Disease - that wasn’t the scourge - was sweeping its way through Lucis and it affected infancy more than any other age group. They were told that they had to produce more heirs in case Morpheus got ill and the line Lucis ended at the Founder King. Of course, they couldn’t have that. Somehow they got past their differences enough to give Morpheus a younger brother, Icelos, and astonishingly - because he was still under the impression she hated children - Pasithia took to their new son with open arms. Somnus was appalled by her behaviour although she kept on insisting that it was no fault of her own that Morpheus refused to love her. And Somnus refused to accept that. Their relationship spiralled out of control from there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their arguments started again and things were said and done that anyone would have been ashamed of saying to their partner and Somnus was. Pasithia was the mother of his sons and he… it happened once and he loathed himself for it; he didn’t put his fist into the stone wall, he hit her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt, disgust and anger at himself consumed him. He loathed himself for committing such a horrific offence against his wife. He truly despised himself for it. So much so he didn’t trust himself to be near the children anymore. He let her decide whatever the princes would do on a daily basis and the majority of the time that meant being nowhere near him. He accepted it. He deserved to be punished for doing that action. He had no one to blame but himself and he would let no one tell him otherwise. He was lucky enough that she didn’t file for a divorce. He would have let her. He would have even allowed her to take both their sons until Morpheus was old enough to make his own decisions and come back to be king. Yet, because of what he had done, and because of the lack of contact with the two beings that gave meaning to his life, Somnus’s head went to a dark place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt only forced him down harder. It was his fault Ardyn was a monster. It was his fault Aera had died. It was his fault his wife had a black eye. It was his fault his sons could potentially grow up without their father if Pasithia decided to leave him that was. All he had left in the world was Gilgamesh and even then he felt so guilty and down for not being able to express his true feelings towards his shield. Somnus went to an even darker place and that was when he decided he didn’t deserve to be here anymore. He didn’t deserve his wife, or his sons, he deserved nothing but hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And death stared him in the eye and said no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his failure and disgust, he limped his way back to his wife with his tail between his legs and tears streaming down his face.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you, it’s their nap time, you can’t see them today.” Pasithia stated, barely giving him a glance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thia… Something’s happened.” He said voice turning shaky and disoriented as he tried to push through the pain in his leg. It hurt so much it was killing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the thing… it couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus I don’t really care if I am honest with you-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t die.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a weird look and when her face dropped he knew she had finally caught sight of him. His clothes were soaked with rain water and blood. His blood. He felt and looked like a state. And all his wife could do was stare at him in disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What do you mean? What happened? Why are you covered in blood?” She asked, and he could hear the panic in her voice.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Somnus choked on his words before admitting his moment of - what he considered to be - weakness. “I tried to kill myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Are you hurt? Sit down!” Pasithia gasped in horror, forcing him to take a seat. None of that mattered to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t die, Thia.” Somnus explained, waving her hands off him as he sat down. “I jumped off the roof. And I can’t die.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, darling, I don’t think you are very well. Of course,you didn’t jump off the palace roof.” Pasithia said softly, brushing her hand through his hair. He didn’t deserve her comfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. About 100 people watched me do it.” Somnus wiped his nose with his blood-soaked sleeve. He couldn’t comprehend what had happened. He fell, hit the floor and was greeted to nothing but a sea of blue and purple light. The beyond. Then a figure appeared in front of him, he didn’t know what it was but it explained to him it was not his time. It would never be his time because of the sins he had committed against the six. He was forced back into his body; confused, scared- no, terrified. He was immortal. He shared the same curse as his brother did and… letting go a sharp raspy breath his head fell into her lap and he wept. “This is my punishment… for what I did to Aera and Ardyn…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Som, don’t think like that. You’re tired.” Pasithia said, trying to assure him but it didn’t work. She still didn’t believe he was telling the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just died!” Somnus insisted again. “I jumped off a building! My life was taken away and my soul forced itself back into my body! I can’t die!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The strokes of his hair moved to his shoulders and she hushed him gently. “Alright. Alright. I believe you. Tell me, Somnus, why did you try and kill yourself? That is what I can’t understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wept harder, finally wrapping his arms around her legs and she didn’t reject him. Instead, she placed her head on top of his and kissed him. “I can’t live with the guilt anymore. I killed my big brother and my little sister. I’ve hurt you when you didn’t deserve it. You are the mother of my children and what I did was disgusting and I’ve killed so many innocent lives... I don’t deserve to be here...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, no one wants that to happen to you. Least of all myself and the boys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The boys…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s heart shattered. If he couldn’t die that meant… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to outlive them… I am going to have to watch my babies die… I am going to have to watch you die… I can’t do that! Oh gods please don’t make me watch that!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started to hyperventilate as panic set in. He could hardly breathe at that terrifying thought. This wasn’t fair! He… he couldn’t watch that. He-</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“You can both say it. I am a horrible person.” Somnus said bitterly to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He may not be that person now but he still had it within him. He still hated himself for it. His marriage to her could have been happier for longer if he had just looked at her as his wife and loved her and not hated the idea of being with anyone else that wasn’t his shield. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia was right, on the day that he swung for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was the monster and not his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest with you, Som, I can't believe at that time in your life, you had the ability to blame yourself.” Ardyn said nonchalantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Somnus glanced up he did see disapproval in his brother’s eyes. He deserved it. Among all the other horrible things Somnus had ever done to other people, Ardyn could now add wife-beater to the list. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I blame myself for a lot of things, more things than you realise, brother.” Somnus sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the reality of it. He was his own judge, jury and executioner; he always had been. In the midst of the past 2000 years, Ardyn had lost sight of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Mors and how he behaved towards Regis, Somnus blamed himself for that because until Mors struck him, Somnus didn’t speak against the now-dead king properly. He could have, maybe nipped that behaviour in the bud before Mors became such a horrible heartless father if he had tried hard enough. But he didn’t. That was just one of the many things Somnus put himself down over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said before when it came to what I did to you, no one could hate me more than I hated myself. It is the same story with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was actually really embarrassing admitting all of this. He felt almost dirty for that one act and he prayed that it was buried when Pasithia died. He no longer wanted to fester on it if he was honest-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you shouldn’t hate yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus did not expect that to come out of Cor’s mouth and it would appear neither did Ardyn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling? What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he shouldn’t.” Cor said remaining persistent. “I get it. I understand why you feel like that. Being in that position of self-loathing is horrible, it really fucks your head up. Ardyn, you should know that better than anyone what that feels like and why he shouldn’t do it to himself. It happened a long time ago as well, you should just… either let it go or come to terms with what happened.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm…” Ardyn gave Cor a soft smile and patted his knee gently to give him comfort. “Perhaps, but the real question is Somnus, did she forgive you? Because she is really the only person who can ever provide you with that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I… maybe… I don’t really know.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Somnus never meant for his confession to be taken the way Pasithia had taken it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never meant to guilt-trip her into letting him see the boys, he was more repulsed with the idea than grateful because he didn’t know if he could keep focused around them now. And she simply told him that taking his children away, despite whatever differences they had, was not the answer, that it would make him worse more than anything else. He couldn’t believe how kind she was… he couldn’t fathom after everything he had put her through that she would want to help him. If this was the other way around, he wouldn’t help her! And maybe… that was what he had failed to see after all these years. Their marriage was formed on the wills of their fathers and that resentment Somnus had for his own father forcing him to do this had completely overshadowed how he saw this marriage. He saw it as him being trapped. But… it wasn’t like that… maybe it was never like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking back on all the times the pair had spent together he realised that he was at fault for a lot of their arguments, if not all of them. He had pushed Pasithia to spend time with Morpheus when perhaps she was suffering from the same affliction that had now taken hold of him. But they called that ‘baby blues’; for his current mental state,there wasn’t a name for it. If that was the case... it made him feel guiltier because he knew she couldn’t control how she was feeling back then. It wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t able to bond with her son if she was feeling that way and he was just sorry he wasn’t there to help her now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was going to change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was going to step up and see her and their relationship through a different light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he did that when he saw Pasithia for the woman she was... He saw a lovely, beautiful, wonderful woman who was the mother to both Morpheus and Icelos. She wasn’t this horrible bitch he had perceived her to be. She was nurturing, gentle and gave the boys whatever they desired, even Morpheus. He had become that detached from reality he didn’t see what a wonderful relationship had blossomed between a mother and her sons. And… she was kind to him. She was always supportive - other than her views on how to handle the scourge - and kind and always did what he wanted her to do. Somnus had never realised that before. For example, he decided if she was going to accompany him to balls and social events. He decided whether or not she ate with him. By the law of his own land, he technically had the right to decide if she spoke or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was so controlling and he hated having that much power over the person he was meant to honour and treasure until death do them part!  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looked at himself all he saw was a cold-hearted man who had murdered thousands and had treated his wife like dirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t going to do that anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus took in a deep breath and approached his wife who was talking to some Lords and Ladies. When they all looked at him, they bowed in respect to their King. Even Pasithia did. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She shouldn’t be bowing to him. He should be bowing in respect to her. Afterall she was the one who had given him his world, Morpheus and Icelos. She deserved no less than his undying respect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave the Lords and Ladies permission to leave and smiled at his wife, hands behind his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My Queen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said, greeting her softly. When their eyes made contact she hid her uncertain look well, but not well enough. He didn’t give her time to reply; he brought his hands back towards his front to reveal a bunch of beautiful, white, red and pink roses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia couldn’t help but gasp. “Somnus…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand you may not be able to forgive me. This sentiment might not mean anything to you, but my beautiful wife deserves to have glorious gifts given to her every single day for the rest of her life and… I am sorry. I hope this gift may help to mend the hurt between us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, she took the flowers with little reluctance. And when she took in their scent, a small smile grew on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re beautiful.” She whispered gently. “You didn’t have to-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to.” Somnus smiled back, actually feeling slightly nervous around her. “I am glad you like them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love them. I think this is the first gift you have ever given me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, really?” Somnus asked, nerves turning to horror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia giggled. “Other than our princes I am afraid so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am a terrible husband.” Somnus groaned, hatred for himself mounting by the second.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could turn away in shame and go to bed for being the worst human being on this planet, he felt her grab his forearm. When he looked into her eyes, there wasn’t any resentment or hate. She looked amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If we are basing our marriage on gifts then I have been an equally terrible wife.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Somnus shook his head at her, quickly clasping his hand over hers. “You have been everything but that. You’re amazing… I am sorry it took me lacking the ability to die in order to see that…”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk?” Pasithia asked, not wanting to remove her hand from his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I am merely beginning to see who I have been missing out on all my married life.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face started to glow a light pink as she looked away from him. It was the same blush she sported on their wedding night. Gods she looked stunning back then, but now… he thought her more beautiful than that night. And he had messed up. He’d ruined ever being anything more to her than the man she was forced to marry. That was his own fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I better go. I need to nap if I am going to deal with the council later.” Somnus said softly, very reluctant to move away from her touch. She was so warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about I join you.” Pasithia suggested, quickly linking their arms together as she smiled brightly at him. “If we want to move forward in this relationship, perhaps I should delve into your hobbies?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-y-es, I’d like that.” Somnus stuttered, leading his wife through the palace. “Maybe afterwards I can delve into yours? If we have time before I am due in court.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a date, Your Majesty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t have a nap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t go and see the council either. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ...And This Is The Pain It Brought Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This got very angsty and heavy! But there is cute SomGil right at the end to make up for it!</p><p>And really sorry about not updating a lot of stuff but this is the second fic I have finished in two days... so I am getting back on track I think. And this chapter is long! Long! Long! Long! </p><p>Because of how angsty it got here is a list of trigger warnings. Here goes:<br/>Past suspected miscarriage<br/>Past Pre-eclampsia<br/>Past Eclampsia<br/>Past dying during childbirth<br/>Mentions of past rape<br/>Mentions of past incest<br/>Basically, Morpheus is in it so it is never good! He still makes Somnus cry T_T That makes me cry! </p><p>Anyway, don't read if any of those affect you, please. I don't want to upset anyone! </p><p>Let's finish this fic!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When he found out about her third pregnancy, things between the pair only seemed to blossom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was still a way to go yet before she trusted him and Somnus respected that and did what he could to prove to her that he was truly sorry and wanted a go at making this marriage work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus made certain he’d be there during her spurts of morning sickness, he’d drop things with the council if she was bed ridden with fatigue so he could look after her and he’d make sure that he, Pasithia, Morpheus and Icelos spent as much time together as they could. After 13 years of bitter resentment for his marriage he finally realised how lucky he was. How lucky he was to have her and have their wonderful sons and another child on the way. The scourge had practically all but disappeared so he was able to just sit in the fields, where the red sylleblossoms once grew, and spend time with his family. Even if that meant having both Morpheus and Icelos attached to his legs, making him walk around like some fool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walk faster daddy!” Morpheus ordered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No daddy! Please don’t!” Icelos whimpered, his grip tightening on his leg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Icelos don’t be a baby!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah Morpheus!” Somnus snapped, coming to a halt. “Don’t be rude. Say sorry to your brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No apology came. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead the little boy jumped off his leg, and walked over to a nearby bush to sulk away his telling off. Somnus was going to let him do it and make him say sorry later. He was not going to feed into that behaviour from Morpheus whatsoever. Somnus bent down, picked Icelos up and gave him a snuggle to make him feel better. What Somnus had learnt about being a father, was that his children were very different and Icelos needed more assurance and comfort then Morpheus did. It was just in their nature. Icelos was a lot softer than Morpheus. That was nothing to be ashamed of. Ardyn was a lot softer than he was after all.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go and sit with mummy.” Somnus said softly, going to sit by his wife who was resting up against a rock - a cushion behind her - nurturing her baby bump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she saw Icelos, she smiled so brightly. “Hello, my fearsome warrior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Icelos laughed and seated himself between both his parents, staring at the massive bump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will it be?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know yet.” Pasithia said, combing her fingers through his dark brown hair. One could mistake his hair colour for the traditional raven Caelum colour, but in the sunlight it was clear to see it had a more chestnut tint to it. “What would you like it to be?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A girl.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want another brother?” Somnus asked curiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Icelos shook his head. “I don’t want another Morphy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two need to stop being rude to each other.” Somnus chastised him, giving him a disappointed glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, darling, don’t be horrible to your brother please.” Pasithia asked sweetly. “Go and apologise to him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Icelos nodded, quickly giving the bump a small hug before rising to his feet. He ran in the direction of his older brother, leaving Somnus and Pasithia to have a moment to themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus had grown to love these moments over the past couple of months. He liked having her back in his bed at night, he liked that the tension between them had lessened since she became pregnant again. Unlike the last two pregnancies - where he didn’t even notice that she was carrying his child before it became blatantly obvious or she pointed it out to him - he noticed that she had this glow about her. She was smiling a lot more. She was connecting with both their boys more. And she seemed happy to be near him. Somnus rather enjoyed the last improvement. He had grown a fondness towards her, one that he couldn’t really explain. He liked listening to her laugh and the way in which she spoke to him. When he wasn’t with her his mind began to wonder what she was doing, if she was safe and if she was enjoying herself. He only ever wanted her to be happy now. She deserved no less, she was a Queen after all.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think it’s a girl.” She said calmly, rubbing her stomach. “This pregnancy feels too similar to the last two.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus smiled. “I don’t mind what sex the child is as long as both you and they are healthy by the end of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s sweet of you.” Pasithia hummed, but he could hear in her tone that she did not believe what he was saying was entirely true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to fix that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do mean it. You’re not just the woman who bore my children, Thia. You are very important to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Listen I know why you are being nice to me, Somnus. You still feel guilty, you don’t have to. You don’t have to spend time with me to make up for anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You don't you think I want to spend time with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was met with silence.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That hurt more than asking the question itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because over these past few months he had been doing little things he wouldn’t normally do for her because he did care. He’d check the roses he had gifted her daily. Making sure to remove the dead ones, replace them and change the water. He didn’t let the servants do it, he wanted to do it. He’d also made certain that the servants asked her what she wanted to eat when they had dinner, to actually give her choices in a society that never gave women any. He would change it in a heartbeat if he could… but not many people would appreciate that. And he was trying to take an interest in her hobby of playing the violin. He wasn’t good at it at all but she was good and he liked to listen to her play. He especially liked the new piece she was writing. She refused to tell him what it was called only that when it was finished he would know the title.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus huffed out. “I am not… spending time with you because I feel guilty, I am doing it because I want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is that?” She asked calmly, he saw hurt in her eyes when they made eye contact. “I have noticed all the things you’ve done for me and I am so grateful for it all. For so long, Somnus, I thought we would never have anything but the children we share together. You doing this… it’s scaring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wish to scare you.” Somnus said hurriedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, just listen… it’s not you. I don’t want this to develop into anything more than it is already because I know how you feel about Gilgamesh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus sat there stunned. He thought he had managed to keep that a secret. Gilgamesh knew nothing of that! So how the hell did she?! No one who was alive knew that! He’d never acted on it either! His mind went into a frenzy, he was so confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” Pasithia assured him, placing her hand to his face. “It may be a foreign concept for me, yes, but that is who you are. If any of our children are the same I will welcome it with open arms. And it does make sense why you didn’t want to have sex with me on our wedding night.”     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Somnus shook his head, placing a hand on her stomach. “The reason I didn’t want to wasn’t solely because of him. I didn’t want to get married in general, it didn’t matter who it was to. But… things have changed now. We’re married, we have two children, one on the way, and I want to spend time with you because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to spend time with you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t Somnus please.” Pasithia said, moving her hand from his face to gently remove his hand from her stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus didn’t let their lack of contact continue. He slowly took her hand and built up the courage to say what had been playing on his mind. He had to get it off his chest because it wasn’t fair to him, her or their boys to keep this a secret anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t, what? I’m not stupid. I’ve come to terms with the fact Gilgamesh and I would never happen. It doesn’t hurt as much as it should because over these past few months I have grown to really care about you. You make me nervous. I want to spend more time with you than I do with him. I want to see you smile… my heart hurts when you don’t come to dinner. My favourite part of the day is getting into bed, knowing you are by my side. You’re my wife. I am finally starting to see that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pasithia gasped softly, a single tear rolling down her face. “Do you mean that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I do.” Somnus smiled, holding her hand tighter. “I’ve only ever felt this way towards one person, and now I am feeling it towards you. I think… I honestly think I am falling in love with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus glanced to his side to see the horrified look on Morpheus’s and Icelos’s faces. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh shit.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t love mummy?!” Morpheus gasped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought you two loved each other...” Icelos whimpered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh boys come here.” Pasithia smiled, reaching out so both her sons would sit either side of her. Somnus watched as she held them close and kissed both their heads. That simple motherly interaction cemented the idea in his head. He did love her. He really did. But at the same time dread seeped into his stomach. What if she didn’t feel the same? After what he did to her, all the things he had said to her, it was looking likely that she didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daddy and I… we have a-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you don’t.” Morpheus interrupted her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The evil glare Somnus received from his son did not go unnoticed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s heart skipped a beat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t lie to their boys. She never did. Did that mean?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you and daddy do love each other?” Icelos asked, looking between both his parents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks that way.” Pasithia said with a smile as she stared at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In her eyes, he could tell she meant that. She loved him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After both of their confessions, things only got better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not just for them but for their family too.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Thinking back on that, that’s why he initially hated me, because he thought I didn’t love his mum and he just never got over it… what a little fucker.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus cringed with disgust. Morpheus was so messed up in the head that </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> could have possibly been the main reason for all the hatred he harboured towards him. And he’d got it wrong! Somnus was telling Pasithia that he loved her, not the other way around! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus let go a sigh. He really had let Morpheus down by not seeing how clearly damaged he was. Another thing for him to feel forever guilty for. At least when he finally kicked the bucket in the upcoming weeks he wouldn’t feel like this anymore. That was something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awww, brother you are such a romantic!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus had to stop himself from laughing when he saw Cor flinch away in pain at the pitch of Ardyn’s tone as he squealed that into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ass Hat! That bloody hurt.” Cor gritted his teeth together, holding the ear Ardyn had ruined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Ardyn giggled, kissing his cheek quickly before turning back to Somnus. “See we are very similar in terms of expressing romantic affection.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we didn’t get that from father.” Somnus stated, mind wandering back to Gilgamesh and how he was feeling…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We clearly got it from our mother. There is no doubt there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, I know who to thank when you suffocate me with affection.” Cor rolled his eyes, giving Ardyn a smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love it really!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ummm, debatable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus laughed at them. It was nice to see them so happy. Like how happy he currently was with Gilgamesh. But… he didn’t really understand why Gilgamesh wanted to be with him. After how he had treated him in the past… It amazed Somnus how much love his shield had for him.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Somnus thought his little family was finally complete. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had his beautiful wife by his side, who - by some miracle - had not only grown to trust him in these last few months but had forgiven him and loved him dearly. She said it to him regularly. Each time he heard those three words, his heart would flutter. It made him believe he was the luckiest man on this planet to have someone as kind and as understanding as Pasithia as his wife and Queen. And he made good on his promise he had made to himself. He worshipped her and treated her with the highest of respects. When they attended functions and the sort he’d openly make a show of holding her hand and bowing to her in public because in his eyes she was the one who deserved to be treated like royalty, not he. He stole and murdered to get to where he was today whereas she… she was belove by their people and was a fair woman who treated people with a just hand. He couldn’t lay claim to any of that. But he could lay claim to the fact he was married to her and he took so much joy in saying those words now. And she had given him the greatest gift in the world to him, their sons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morpheus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Icelos. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, little Phanatos. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was perfect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Simply perfect and wonderful and Somnus would never trade any of them for the world. His sons meant everything to him. On a day that his brain decided to knock his mental health to the ground, all he had to do was hold one of his children close and all his worries would leave him. They melt away like the snow does on a sunny day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morpheus, his eldest, made him laugh. Somnus had no idea where he had got it from but he had a very dark sense of humour. He did find it odd at first that his son was coming out with rather questionable things but he grew to accept that it was simply him trying to be funny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Icelos, oh Somnus loved reading to his son. Icelos would sit next to him, a blanket wrapped around him with his thumb in his mouth as Somnus read him tales that Ardyn wrote for him when he was younger. Icelos was so fixated on his every word and it warmed his heart to see that Icelos already had such an interest in literature. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phanatos, his beautiful baby boy, was so adorable. He’d cry in the night and no nurse could soothe him. Nothing would soothe him except being in the arms of his mother as Somnus held on to his tiny hand. All he wanted was them. Their son had so much love for them and Somnus and Pasithia had so much love to give him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was perfect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apart from one thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thing that Somnus could not shake no matter how hard he tried. He had tried. He had tried ever since his father screamed at him. He had tried on the day of his and Pasithia’s wedding. He had tried on the days that Morpheus, Icelos and Phanatos were all born but this feeling would not shake. It would seem no matter how much he loved and cared for his wife… Gilgamesh kept filling up his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d go on hunting trips together still, when Somnus was stressed and that was when all the feelings of wanting to end his marriage came flooding back. Because in the forests, hunting down coeurls and other creatures, he wasn’t King Somnus Lucis Caelum anymore. He was simply Somnus. He was a simple man who had battled with his feelings for years and kept them concealed because society - the society he built - would never accept them. But out here… there was no society. There were no rules and Somnus was free to express his true feelings. Express who he wanted to be with, who he loved unconditionally, and he almost did on many occasions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One night, when they were camping, Somnus was freezing cold; and to shelter him from the wind Gilgamesh held him in his arms. Somnus felt so relaxed, so safe, so secure, so warm; that he wanted to blurt everything out, kiss and make love to his Shield. He wanted to tell him how long he had wanted him. How much he meant to him. These feelings would never go away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Pasithia and his children came to mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he knew he could never act upon those thoughts and feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he went to sleep, knowing what had to happen next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a decision he would always regret, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever cheat on Pasithia again. No matter how tempting it was, he couldn’t break her heart like that, not when he loved her too. And he did love her. He truly loved her. And doing this would prove it. And… in doing this action, Somnus knew he wouldn’t be breaking her heart. He’d only be breaking his own and he was alright with that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I displease you, Your Majesty?” Gilgamesh asked, kneeling on the floor in front of Somnus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words shattered the immortal King’s heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t.” Somnus shook his head, keeping his tears at bay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause as Gilgamesh slowly raised his head to look Somnus in the eye. Somnus swore he saw something in his eyes break. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why send me away? I only wish to serve you and your family.” Gilgamesh stated, voice stern as ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are doing that.” Somnus nodded. “One of my grandchildren will need a Shield whenever this stupid prophecy is to be fulfilled and I need someone to train the person who will protect them. Stand by them, no matter what. Just like you do for me. You are the only person I trust to do this task.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With all due respect, Somnus, who will protect you if I am no longer here? Who will protect your family? It is my job. I pledged my life, my existence, to yours. And you want me to walk away?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Was what Somnus wanted to say. What he wanted to scream out but he couldn’t. He couldn’t... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead he breathed out slowly and nodded. “Yes, I do. As I said, you are the only person I trust with a task this grand. I trust you to help me protect my family... by letting you go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gilgamesh said nothing as he raised to his feet. He easily towered over him and Somnus wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around his waist and finally tell him he loved him. Tell him to stay because he needed him here. But he couldn’t do any of that. He just… he couldn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well. Where would you like me to go?” Gilgamesh asked, and Somnus heard nothing but devotion in his tone and he wanted to break down in tears at how understanding he was being. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere that is difficult to get to. Somewhere that only puts you at an advantage. We fought Ardyn and won. The King of Light is the next person who will be able to achieve that and he will need a Shield to help him. Therefore they need to be prepared for the worst. You need to show no mercy. Only the person who bests you lives. When that day comes, you come back to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus bowed his head unable to look at him any longer. He could feel his heart rate decrease and his fear escalate. He was losing his best friend, the man he loved, and there was nothing he could do about it. Well, he could, but at the cost of losing the family he had built and hurting them… he had to keep thinking of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well. This is goodbye, Somnus.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing more was said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus stood there, eyes redding with tears of pain as he watched Gilgamesh walk out of the throne room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the door closed, leaving Somnus in the empty room, he finally let his tears fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just watched the man he loved walk away and that was all his doing. He did this to himself. Again, he had no one to blame for the pain he had just caused but he had prevented hurt from taking hold of his wife and three sons as now he wouldn’t be able to act on any of his selfish desires. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the only thing he could take away from this. That he had his family together. Still, it wasn’t the same without his best friend by his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, because the council pushed for it, it didn’t take long to find a replacement Shield. Resilio Amicitia, another old friend from his and Ardyn’s childhood, took on the mantle and served his family. Somnus didn’t have an issue with him. They got on well. Resilio did his job and he did it well. The boys liked him and they got on well with Resilio’s son and daughter. The only problem was… he wasn’t Gilgamesh. He would never be Gilgamesh. That was a good thing. It meant he would never betray his wife in that manner again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus knew deep down this was the most selfless thing he had ever done, let that man walk away from him.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Well, thanks a fucking lot Somnus! No wonder no one stood a goddamned chance!” Cor growled, crossing his arms over his chest. “A warning might have been helpful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one told you to fight him.” Somnus shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you are simply a prick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cor! That’s mean!” Ardyn howled with laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he’s right Ardyn. I was a prick. I am sorry.” Somnus admitted, offering Cor an apologetic look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cor didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. But this wasn’t about Gilgamesh, not really, this was about Somnus and how he coped being King. He didn’t cope being King. He never should have pretended that he had or that he could.  </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>About a year and a half after Gilgamesh left, Somnus and Pasithia got a very welcomed shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They discovered she was pregnant with their fourth child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After having Phanatos, the pair decided that they didn’t want any more children. Three was more than enough. They had secured a successful family line and all three of their boys seemed happy and healthy. Their relationship was amazing and bringing another child into the mix, they thought it might spoil things. However, it was too late to dwell on that as a little Caelum was on the way and they needed to prepare for their arrival. Because they found out early, they kept things very quiet. Only Resilio and Pasithia’s handmaiden knew and even then Somnus thought it too risky. He didn’t know why, but he had this feeling that no one should be aware of the little life brewing away. Not even the boys should know what was happening to their mother. Pasithia got that sense too. That something wasn’t right. Unfortunately, they were right to be cautious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mummy!” Phanatos yelled in delight as he ran over to his mother and wrapped his arms around her leg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, my baby boy!” Pasithia cooed, instantly picking the boy up to give him a cuddle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus’s heart leapt into his mouth upon seeing the interaction. Normally, seeing her so maternal to their children made him smile but now all it did was strike fear into his heart. He could tell it, it was buried deep within his gut, that she should no longer be picking any of their children up no matter how much they cried. Somnus was even being cautious around her. Only giving her hugs in bed and they didn’t have sex anymore because something was telling him he shouldn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thia, pass him to me?” Somnus asked, striding across the room to retrieve their youngest son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He only wants a hug.” Pasithia huffed out, ignoring her husband’s request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love my mama.” Phanatos said proudly, kissing her cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and I love you too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And dada wants a hug. Come here.” Somnus insisted, stretching his arms out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Som, he is fine.” Pasithia assured him, turning to walk Phanatos over to the window. “Shall we look at the snow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snow! Snow!” Phanatos cheered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus followed them to the window, he was visibly anxious about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had to put him down. She had to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Phanatos.” Pasithia placing her hand out of the window so that it was covered in snow before bringing it back in for her son to touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phanatos touched it and recoiled his hand away quickly. “It’s cold!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, because it is fluffy frozen water. When the snow settles we can build snowmen and make snow angels, can’t we dada?” Pasithia smiled, turning to Somnus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus merely nodded, he didn’t have a clue what she was saying, for he was too focused on what she was doing rather than saying. He really hoped she put Phanatos down soon. Panic was surging throughout his body and he just didn’t know what to do. If she didn’t listen to him there was nothing he could do! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are an angel mummy, I don’t need to make a snow one!” Phanatos giggled, burying his face into her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you just the sweetest pea in the entire-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time slowed down for the King as he heard his wife grunt in pain before bending over like a wounded animal. Without thinking, Somnus phased over to them, just about managing to catch Phanatos before she dropped him and held on to her arm tightly so that she didn’t hit the floor too hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“MUMMY!” Phanatos screamed in horror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus felt the same horror his son was expressing. Pasithia bent over herself in pain, placing her hand to her stomach, crying in agony. In that moment, Somnus didn’t give a shit about the baby. He was more concerned with the amount of pain his wife was in.  With Phanatos still in his arms, Somnus knelt down next to her, holding her hand and when she squeezed his hand… the amount of pressure she executed was breaking Somnus from the inside out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, breathe.” He told her, wanting to cry as tears formed in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The baby Somnus!” Pasithia panted, voice breaking as she looked down at herself. “I think I am losing it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus didn’t have time to console her. He placed Phanatos down on the floor next to her and tried his best to keep his voice calm as he addressed his son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phanatos. You stay with mummy, don’t let her move at all! I’ll be back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, dada.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus had never ran so fast in his life. Frantically, he got a healer, returned to their room and on the healers request, he carefully lifted his trembling wife up and placed her on the bed. When he moved her… there was blood. Not much, but enough to confirm that she could be miscarrying. He didn’t have time to be upset. He didn’t have to do anything but make her comfortable and leave with Phanatos before he was exposed to any more of the trauma his mother was going through. He took the boy directly to the nursery where Morpheus and Icelos were. He somehow managed to wrap all three boys up in his arms and placed them on his lap, trying his best to hide his utter despair. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t in case they asked questions. Phanatos seemed so consumed with confusion and sorrow that he didn’t speak about what he had witnessed. However, Morpheus an Icelos weren’t stupid. They could tell something was wrong and Somnus refused to comment. They didn’t know she was pregnant in the first place they didn’t need to know what was happening.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he held his children close to him, his mind was not on the one he had lost, it was on Pasithia. He wanted to know if she was going to be okay, if the healers were looking after her properly. He wished they were because… he couldn’t be there. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was scared, Pasithia was more than likely terrified, but he let his fears outshine hers. He felt awful but he knew he wasn’t going to be any help.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After some stories, all three of his sons fell asleep in his arms. He didn’t sleep. He may not be able to be present during his wife’s ordeal, but he had to be awake when the healers came looking for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came to him within a few hours. When he saw them, all Somnus could do was close his head and bow his head with grief. They'd lost it. That much he was certain-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Majesty, please come with me.” The healer said, his voice was as plain as the snow falling outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did as he was told, by some miracle he got up, without waking the children up and he didn’t say a word. He let the man speak as they traversed through his home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Queen is resting. She is stable and there has been no further bleeding. Her cramps are cause for concern but we will monitor her and she is to rest. She is not to leave her bed under any circumstances.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus nodded to tell him he understood. His throat went dry and speaking became difficult, but this had to be asked. “And… how is Her Majesty feeling?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaken up. Again, nothing a few days in bed won’t cure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry!” Somnus raised his voice, hand turning into a fist as the pair stopped abruptly in the corridor. “You knew full well that was not what I meant!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry, your Majesty. I am afraid I don-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My baby! It’s gone and you dare not even mention it!” Somnus yelled, eyes igniting with flames.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evil thoughts started piling up in his mind. The same ones he had when he stopped burning people to get rid of the scourge. The ones that told him to continue killing people with fire. Right now he wanted to burn this man alive for not even mentioning his baby! If he had treated his wife like this at all, this healer was going to hell! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Majesty.” The healer said in a calm tone. “I was just getting to that part. It appears that your wife was not in her first trimester. She is in her second. From what we can tell the baby is fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Somnus whispered, unable to process that information. He had already prepared himself for the worse and to have this shoved in his face… his mind went blank. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is at least 20 weeks into the pregnancy, Your Majesty. We can find the baby's heartbeat, I will admit the baby is small but clearly a fighter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is barely showing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All pregnancies are different, your Majesty. Go, be with your wife. She will recover that I promise you. Both she and the child are safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus would live to regret to trust in this man’s words. Hindsight was a beautiful thing and unfortunately, he didn’t have that. He allowed himself to get into a false sense of security that both his wife and child would be safe and he did everything he could to ensure Pasithia was comfortable. The only time she got out of bed was to go to the toilet. Food and drink were brought to her regularly. The boys went to see her and Somnus allowed them as much time as they wanted or until Pasithia got tired. She didn’t have a single input on how things should be run anymore, so she wasn’t stressed by the running of the Kingdom. When it came to sharing a bed, Somnus had another bed placed in the room so he could be with her if she needed him, but he didn’t want to share a bed in case his body temperature caused hers to go up. Or if he accidentally laid on her in his sleep and she miscarried…. He’d never forgive himself. If he lost her, if he lost his beautiful wife, he wasn’t going to forgive himself either. He was the one who put the baby in her stomach, he had caused all this pain she was going through. He hated himself for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Som.” Pasithia said, looking over to him as he sat on the other bed. “Can you come in here tonight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus bit his lip, fear racing up his spine at her request. “Thia, I don’t think that is a good idea-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am cold. Please, sweetheart?” Pasithia begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite what his head was saying, his heart told him to give in to what she wanted. He got under the covers and wrapped his arm around her, holding on to her stomach as he kissed her cheek. He missed sleeping with her. But he never wanted to cause her any harm… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She smiled softly, leaning back into his hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright. I love you. I really love you, Thia.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” She hummed. “I have finally finished that violin piece. The one I wrote before Phanatos was born.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so are you going to tell me what it is called? Maybe play it for me tomorrow?” He asked, taking it as a good sign she had managed to finish it. At least she had the strength to do that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” She nodded, turning around so she was now facing him. She touched his face and ghosted her lips over his before telling him the name of the song. “It’s called: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Somnus</span>
  </em>
  <span>. After my wonderful husband.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things seemed to get worse from that night onwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as her pregnancy progressed she got sicker and sicker. She was vomiting more than she had been during her first trimester, she kept getting migraines that not even sleep would seem to shake. She kept complaining that her heart was hurting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing something was very wrong, Somnus pleaded with the healers to help her but all they said was that the baby was small, and when that happened it was quite common for the mother to be experiencing all these symptoms. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>It took Somnus over 100 years after the birth of his daughter to figure out that Pasithia was suffering from preeclampsia. Before that point, the condition didn’t have a name and therefore to many it simply did not exist)</span>
  </em>
  <span> Stupidly, Somnus took their word for it. He held out hope that she would get better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That became all too apparent when she went into early labour and how confused Pasithia had become the moment her first contraction started. She started rambling about how they had to go fishing. They had to do it but she was in too much pain to move. Of course, Somnus freaked out and demanded that they tell him what was wrong with her! But they didn’t. Instead, Somnus was forced out of the room but he managed to hear some worried words from the healers, such as ‘too small’ and ‘swollen ankles’. His heart dropped. Fear ran up his spine. He didn’t know what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was truly honest with himself, it was in that moment he realised this birth was either going to leave all four of his children motherless or he would lose both mother and child. Either way, Pasithia was not going to survive this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The birth was long. It was painful. Somnus could hear his wife screams of pain as she suffered contraction, after contraction and there was nothing he could do. He felt so helpless. So useless and by the time it was all over, a good 20 hours later, Pasithia was exhausted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only he was allowed to see her and she looked horrible. Her hair was stuck to her face, blood was covering the sheets and her gown, she looked pale and she could barely move her hand to hold his as he sat by her side. The healers told him she'd be lucky to make it passed the hour and because they had to monitor the baby, Pasithia was never able to meet their daughter.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my beautiful wife…” Somnus wept, brushing his hand through her hair. “My darling…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breathing was ragged but she smiled at him. “Somnus. You have to promise me you will look after them all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. I swear. I just… I don’t want you to die. I love you so much. My beautiful Thia.” Somnus choked on his tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” Pasithia cried back, trying to pull his hand to her lips. He moved his hand for her and when her lips touched his skin, they were cold. She was dying… “Tell me. It’s your turn to pick a name. What are you going to call our little princess? But please, don’t name her after me. It will be too painful for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus nodded because she was right. He wouldn’t be able to look at her if she took her mother’s name. But he had to think fast, Pasithia didn’t have long left. “Flora. After my mother. Are you alright with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It’s a beautiful name. Our little flower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our little flower.” Somnus repeated her words and that was the last thing Pasithia ever heard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started fitting and the healers told him once they began there was nothing they could do to save her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It broke his heart to witness her death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It tore him apart and he cried. He cried for hours and he refused to leave her body. He held her hand and wept, apologising for all the wrong he did by her. He apologised because he didn’t think he had the strength to do what she asked of him, looking after their children and be the father they needed him to be. He told her that she was right. Burning and killing innocent people was not how he should have dealt with the scourge and he told her how scared he was about living this immortal life. He didn’t want to do it. He wanted to be with her. No reply came from her. She was dead. There was nothing he could do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Majesty.” A voice said, breaking away his thoughts, but he didn’t look away from his wife. “I have Princess Flora. Would you like a hold?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t. He really didn’t. But she made him promise to look after their children so he had to at least try. He stood up, kissed her forehead and turned away from her. He’d never see Paisthia again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Very reluctantly he took their daughter from the nurse's arms and she was the spitting image of Pasithia. He wept over his child, held her tiny hand and a wave of love hit him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flora.” Somnus said weakly. “Our little flower.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuggled into his arms and that was when Somnus knew he could do this. His daughter. His tiny daughter was dependent on him. Just like his boys were. All of them needed him because they no longer had their mother and he had to be the one to tell them what had transpired. He had to tell them she was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus took the princess to the nursery and showed the boys their new sibling. They all seemed overjoyed at first but when Icelos asked where his mummy was, Somnus couldn’t keep it together. He cried and told them what had happened. His sons had very different reactions to the news of their mother’s death. Phanatos being the youngest, didn’t fully understand and wasn’t as upset as the other two were and he promised to help his dad look after baby Flora because he already loved his sister. Icelos was quiet. He cried silently, prompting Somnus to place Flora in the cot already made out for her and hug his son with all his might. It hurt hearing Icelos only want his mummy, but he couldn’t have her. Phanatos joined in with the hugging, trying to help his dad soothe his brother. That left only Morpheus. There were no tears from him. There was no offer to help. Instead, the 8-year-old prince walked over to the cot and stared down at the baby with hatred. So much hatred and rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he knew for certain his father couldn’t hear him nor was he looking at him, he leant down over his sister and sneered at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you died instead of mummy. One day, I am going to kill you for taking her away from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Somnus’s horror, he did exactly that.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Somnus wiped his eyes, trying his hardest not to cry. He could cry in front of Ardyn, that was fine. He could cry in front of Gilgamesh. He could even cry in front of Regis. He was not crying in front of Cor. End of story. However, his brother’s foolish attempts to assure him he did all he could was not helping. They were making it worse. Because he wasn’t a great dad. All his children suffered because of him. He failed Pasithia. Because Ardyn was making this situation so much worse, as he didn’t fully know what he was on about, Somnus snapped at him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I turned out to be a great dad! My daughter got murdered by her psycho brother. My youngest son grew up in a society where his sexuality was something to fear and then died when I physically couldn’t move or speak because of how depressed I was. My second eldest hated the way I ran things; he couldn’t speak to me and then ran away from me and I don’t even know if he had children of his own. Oh and to top it all off, my eldest was psychotic incestous murdering rapist-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus cut himself off when he saw Ardyn’s face drop. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He never told Ardyn that. All Ardyn knew was that Morpheus killed Flora out of hate and spite to get at Somnus, he never explained to Ardyn how brutal her death truly was or how far Morpheus had gone to hurt him. He never wanted Ardyn to find out either. For centuries, Ardyn had teased him about Morpheus and with what happened to Cor... Somnus couldn’t tell Ardyn because he knew his brother would hate himself. Somnus was right; he could see the pain on Ardyn’s face. He couldn’t look at Cor either- </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He said that in front of Cor! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of explaining himself, Somnus got up and left without a word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither Ardyn’s or Cor’s voice followed him and he was so fucking grateful for that. He didn’t know if he would be able to handle it if they did. He kept walking. Kept moving through his ancient house, and because he had been speaking about his dead family all he could see were the ghosts of his children and dead wife. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of them, gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been gone for years but the pain was still there. That was one of the reasons he was happy to die for Ardyn. He’d get to see them again. All his children. Even Morpheus. All his babies.... They were taken away from him in such cruel ways. He just wished he could have told them that he loved them one last time, like he managed to do with Pasithia. He never got those chances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone started to buzz and Somnus knew it was Ardyn calling him. He was probably wanting a chat. He wasn’t going to give him one today. His heart had been ripped up enough without expressing all those horrible feelings that came along with both Flora’s and Morpheus’s deaths. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ping! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus groaned. “Why can’t you leave me alone?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ripped his phone out of his pocket and growled at it. He opened the text and surprisingly it wasn’t from Ardyn, it was from Cor. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span><span class="u">Cor</span>:</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> I know you don’t want to talk. But I am here if you need it and so is Ardyn. We love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus chose not to reply and as he was putting his phone away he walked into someone. He breathed through his pain and was ready to scream at the person to tell them to watch where they were going but when he realised it was his Gilgamesh, Somnus wrapped his arms around his shield tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somnus, are you alright?” Gilgamesh asked, worry plastering his tone as he joined in with the hugging. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Somnus shook his head. “I love you. I love you so goddamn much!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” Gilgamesh said softly, picking his King up before taking him into one of the side rooms to calm down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus was grateful for the carry and he refused to allow Gilgamesh to put him down. In the end, Somnus ended up sitting in Gilgamesh's lap as he revealed to him what he accidentally said to Ardyn and that he was so upset he couldn’t take it back. The entire time, Gilgamesh held him, kissed him, told him he loved him and that he shouldn’t worry about his brother’s feelings. He should only focus on himself because it was clear that Somnus had never properly dealt with that. Gilgamesh didn’t blame him. What parent could deal with that knowledge? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got you, my King.” Gilgamesh promised. “I’ve got you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry.” Somnus sobbed onto his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Let it out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Gilgamesh. I don’t know how I ever managed without you.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are stronger than you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somnus didn’t think that was true. It wasn’t true. But he wasn’t going to throw it back in his face. Instead, Somnus lifted his head up and kissed his shield’s lips sweetly, feeling so lucky he had him. Gilgamesh always made things bearable. He was so a fool to ever cast him out. He was a fool to ever let him go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry I made you leave me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. It had to be done.” Gilgamesh assured him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not. The real reason I let you go was because I was scared I was going to tell you how I felt. It was wrong for me to get rid of you. I loved you. I still love you. I don’t want you to ever leave me again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My King.” Gilgamesh began, running his hand through Somnus’s hair. “I will never do that again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all Somnus needed to hear for now. He rested his head against Gilgamesh’s and sighed. “Thank you. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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